As the week comes to an end, I took the chance to look back on what an amazing semester this has been for me. All the classes have been really beneficial for me and I have learned a lot. I took an Accounting class and a couple other business classes as they are required for my major and I’ve enjoyed them. However, none of those classes or even any other class I’ve taken before has had an impact on me as much as this Family Relations class has. I took this class thinking it will be another easy elective credit for me but I left our last class on Thursday feeling like I really have learned a ton not just for myself, but also for my future spouse and family.

            This week’s discussion was all about the aging family. We have read, learned, and discussed about almost every aspect of the family and marriage. These included anything from dating to marriage to dynamics and boundaries in the family to even communication, finances, challenges, and so much more. This last lesson we had was interesting to me as we know for a fact that every single one of us will go through life, age, and grow old. Just look at our parents, I’m pretty confident that most of them (at least for the students who are in this class) are aged between 40 and 60.

            We often talk about marriage and families as this amazing journey – about finding someone and falling in love, then getting married and going through life, starting a family, working to provide and support each other and raise these young kids. What we don’t see or hear too often is the actual aging process. Life happens and everyone grows old. With age comes a myriad of different problems and challenges like health issues, finances, retirement, grandchildren, etc.

            One of the things I appreciate and enjoyed most about this week’s lesson was the fact that we focused more on the happiness and satisfaction of the journey rather than the challenges, even though they are real and exist. We watched a video on two guys – one playing the piano and the other playing either a cello or double bass. They played a special arrangement of Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” and smoothly transitioned into the famous “Viva la Vida” and transitioning again to finally end with “Love Story” once again. This might seem totally unrelated and not make any sense but if you took the time to watch, listen, and analyze what was going on in the video, like a lot of other things in life, you actually start to see something you’ve never seen before and learn a thing or two.

            First of all, I love music. I grew up taking piano lessons. I would have lessons and practice for hours to prepare for actual piano theory and practical exams so I could get certificates. More than those certificates though, was the appreciation I gained for music. Watching the video, you see the two guys playing in symphony. The two instruments work and sound very different, but when intentionally played together, with a lot of practice, sounded amazing. One complemented the other while not overpowering the other. Their timing was on point, as they would need to know when exactly to play a certain note or scale. They also demonstrated a lot of dynamic and different techniques of playing their instruments. For example, there were great examples of crescendo, staccato, pauses, and so much more for the piano. More than any of the instruments, timing, or technique, they enjoyed themselves. You could see that because of all the time they had put into practicing, they played effortlessly and they enjoyed it. They were sucked into the music and enjoyed every beat and bar of the song.

            This just reminded me of how life should be for each of us. Of course there is going to be challenges and trials every single day of our lives, but that’s just the way it is. If we can just accept that life is difficult, it probably won’t be difficult anymore. This week’s lesson and video just reminded me to look at things through a different lens and know that everything we are going through is like a song that spans for years. It is something that should be enjoyed and appreciated.

              Another wonderful week has gone by which means we’ve had some pretty good discussions along with our lesson. We’ve talked a lot about marriages and relationships in the previous lessons and discussions but this week was really insightful and peaked my interest as it was about parenting. All of us who were born into this world has parents. People may have different and maybe even conflicting thoughts, opinions, and feelings about parents and parenting, which is understandable considering the many circumstances and situations people go through.

            What is parenting? What is the purpose of it? The purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare a child to survive and thrive in the world they will live in. I have mentioned this many times before in my previous blog posts but I strongly believe in the importance of parenting and am eternally grateful for all that my parents have done for my siblings and I. They have been the pillar and support throughout our lives and have always made sure they did their best for us. They may not be perfect but I have been blessed with the chance of witnessing two imperfect people come together and do all they can for their children.

            We learned that when it comes to being effective parents, there are three things that should be focused on which would be beneficial and helpful. They are: response ability, respect, and cooperation. Response ability, as the name suggests, is the parents’ ability to respond to anything the child does. Respect is also something immensely important because a lot of parents tend to think of respect as “I am right and you have to listen to me because I am the adult here” but that cannot be further away from the truth. Respect is something that is earned, not given. This principle applies to parenting too. If parents want to be respected by their children, they need to treat their children with respect and know that they are more capable of a lot more things than they might think. Cooperation is also something that is crucial as a family is a unit. The father and mother of a house may work together, but they are also working together with their children to resolve issues or have good times together.

            Other than that, we also discussed about a child’s needs, the child’s mistaken approach because of the need, and the appropriate parental response. These things are closely related to the response ability of parents that was mentioned above. For example, if a child is in need of physical contact or a feeling of belonging, whether they know it or not, they might take a mistaken approach of seeking for undue attention. This could be dangerous and harmful especially for teenagers. The appropriate parental response to this situation should be to offer contact freely and learn to contribute love to the child’s life. The parents should also be able to teach the child regarding choices and the consequences of those choices.

            Another example is a child’s need or want of power over their own lives. A mistaken approach that the child might take because of this unmet want could be rebellion against anything or anyone. They might also try to control others and want to be the dominant figure in a variety of situations. An appropriate parental response to this scenario could be, but not limited to, their ability to respond correctly to it. This could mean giving the child more freedom to make their own choices, but with appropriate boundaries so the child does not go over the limit and do things they are not supposed to.

            I am so grateful for this week’s lesson as it was extremely insightful and made me realize a lot of things that I saw in my parents’ parenting style. I believe that any success would be overshadowed by failure within the walls of a home. It made me grateful for a lot of things and also helped me make a goal of what kind of parent I would want to be in the future.

            This past week’s lesson and discussions were one of my favorites because it talks about and addresses a very important person in a lot of our lives – father. We live in turbulent and confusing times which are very different from even just 10 years ago. We’ve all heard of and know the traditional father whose role is to go out into the workforce and do whatever he can to earn money so he can provide a roof over his family’s head, place food on the table, provide for temporal things in their lives, etc. The mother, on the other hand, had the traditional role of staying at home and taking care of and nurturing her family.

Today, however, we are hearing more and more about the need for equality and how women should be more empowered, that they deserve to be in the workforce and do not have to stay home to nurture and take care of her children, that men are only goof for making money and he is only going to be worth something if he can earn money, that his worth is directly related to his earning-capabilities. In a world where the unit of the family is as important as it was in the beginning of time but with roles shifting around and boundaries being broken down, anyone would be easily confused and lost.

My biggest takeaway from this week’s lesson was that fatherhood matters, no matter what the situation or circumstance may be. I have been blessed and fortunate enough to have a father a and a mother who work tirelessly together ever since they were married, to raise 4 boys and do their best so we get the best that they can offer. My father has always been my role model and someone I look up to and have high respect for. He did not go to college but had odd jobs here and there. When he and my mother got married. They were poor and had nothing. I remember them telling us about how they took an old cardboard box, flipped it over, and used it as their dining table because they could not afford anything.

My father eventually got a job with an industrial printing company and worked his bottom off to make as much as he could. He eventually got promoted several times and even got a job with a German printing company. Over a decade later he was the manager overlooking all the sales within country. There were ups and downs and he eventually ended up with a Swiss company and became their regional manager who overlooks the Asia-Pacific region. With his hard work and good ethics, together with the support of my mother, he was able to provide a comfortable life for all of us and present us with many different opportunities that have blessed our lives.

Other than providing for us temporally, my father has always presided and is the steward of out family. He makes sure he is there for us when we need him and that he is an example for all of us by treating his wife and our mother well, by making sure that we have good values and ethics, by supporting us and giving us advice whenever we need, by being a prominent and valuable father figure in our home to make sure we are good. He is also a shining example of how to be a good husband. He works together with my mother and uplifts her and making sure that she knows her worth.

I have never once in my life thought that my mother could do anything greater than what she did for all of us over the many years. She, together with my father, have been the reason why the 4 of us boys are the way we are and we owe everything to them. I believe that a father and a mother have the most important roles and when they work together no matter what the circumstances are, they are powerful and have the ability to change the course of their children’s lives.

            This week was all about communication and the different ways we communicate. We’ve discussed and talked in class about the many aspects of relationships with our families, spouses, and people we love. Communication is a huge part of relationships and I would even go as far as saying that communication is one of the most basic needs or wants of us human beings. Languages have come up and have been worked on for hundreds and thousands of years since the beginning of mankind and till today, it remains one of the most important aspects of our lives, whether we know it or not.

            There are countless ways of communicating but the main ones that we use every day, are – verbal, non-verbal, and tone. Verbal communication, like mentioned earlier, is just the most basic form of communication. It is the main medium in which we let someone else know something and vice versa. Despite it being so important, almost every one of us have yet to perfect the ways of communicating. Conflicts often arise in any form of relationship we have with others and sometimes these conversations can get hostile and unpleasant.

            We talked and discussed five different ways to deescalate verbal communication and how to change the course of a potentially unpleasant conversation. First of all, we need to know the disarming technique. This is when we do our best to not come off as defensive so the other person(s) will not put up a defensive barrier too, which will escalate the conversation. To do this, we must first be willing to find and focus on kernels of truth, especially when it seems unreasonable. This means that when someone is accusing us of something, we must be able to identify truth in those accusations, especially if they are unreasonable. This shows humility on our end and also shows willingness to listen and to admit guilt. When we do this, defensiveness goes down significantly and tensions are eased.

            Next, we must be able to express sympathy. This has to be sincere and genuine. An example of this is if someone expresses anger or sorrow to us and it seems like it will turn unpleasant or even hostile. It may be tempting or even natural for us to be defensive but that will not help. When we express sincere empathy, sorrow, and apologize when appropriate, it again shows humility and willingness to admit fault. After we show empathy, we can then inquire. This is when we give the other person a chance to express how they feel more. We can say things like “I’d like to hear more”, or “you are saying XYZ, is this right?” This is a sign that we are actually listening and want to be part of this conversation.

            After that, we can move on with the “I feel” statement. A basic and simple example is to use the following sentence: “When a specific situation/event, I feel/felt emotion because thoughts. I really like hope/desire.” This sentence is important because it points out a specific event or situation, then it gives us a chance to express our emotion or feelings and why we feel or felt that way, then it finally presents us with the chance to express our hopes or desires for the situation. This gives the person we are talking to our perspective, thoughts, feelings, hopes, desires, etc. and makes sure the conversation is fair and equal, that it is not just one person talking over the other.

            Once all of these things have been done, we can then move on to stroking. This step is as crucial as the rest of the steps because it is an opportunity to express admiration and appreciation. After all that has been said, there might be things that are unpleasant or even feelings of hurt. Expressing admiration, appreciation, and positive emotions can help sweeten things up a little and in most cases, make everything better.

            My biggest takeaway is that communication is important but also hard. Often times, it is like we are using butter knives to perform brain surgery in our homes. In other words, we have to make sure that we are precise and intentional in our communication, whatever form it may be. We have to make sure that people not just understand us, but that we cannot be misunderstood.

              Another week has gone by and this week’s lesson and discussions were focused on the family and the many different kinds of stresses that it can and will be subject to. Everything that we have talked about before this lesson was focused on specific times or stages in a relationship and in marriage. We’ve talked about how couples face all sorts of different challenges and how heartache and difficulties often arise in this imperfect world.

              According to the Cleveland Clinic: “Stress is the body's reaction to any change that requires an adjustment or response. The body reacts to these changes with physical, mental, and emotional responses. Stress is a normal part of life. You can experience stress from your environment, your body, and your thoughts.” This means that stress is something that everyone, whether in a relationship, married, divorced, or just single, will definitely experience.

              When two people decide to get married, they are committing to a whole new world and way of life that they probably have never experienced before. This means that everything from when and how many children to have to how each of them sleep may be big or small sources of stress to their relationship. Having said this, stress, as mentioned above, is a totally normal part of life and the important thing is how we view them and also how we deal with them.

              A couple can always find out coping methods or mechanisms to help them when they are facing stress or challenges. I also like to look at stress as an opportunity for the couple to be more open, honest, patient, and loving with each other as they can talk to each other and try to figure things out. Through effective communication and love for each other, couples can often times find their relationship being strengthened and create a stronger bond with each other. Couples would also have to know what their weaknesses and strengths are. Two people, no matter how well they get along with each other, will always be different even in the slightest way. This means that they have to be more aware of each other and learn to appreciate each other and find ways to help lift the other person up because of their weaknesses.

              I would like to end this week’s post by sharing a quote by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, who was an apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He said this: “Each of us will have our own Fridays -- those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death -- Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come." This is something I find really positive and helpful because it reminds us that challenges and trials are always short-term. If we are able to endure and resolve our problems in a healthy way, there will always be light at the end of the tunnel. Things will get better and this gives light and hope to whoever needs it, whether they know it or not.

            We have been able to talk about a variety of different topics throughout the course of this class and I was able to learn a ton of new stuff. This past week’s discussion was no exception to that. We have talked about preparing for marriage, transitioning into married life, and the many aspects of marriage and preparing for one. This week, we talked about something much more intimate and sacred – Sexual Intimacy and Family Life.

            We have discussed and I have posted on this blog before about how men and women are just undeniably and biologically different. We have different ways of thinking and different ways of responding or dealing to and with situations. Our bodies work differently which means we have different strengths that can assist us greatly with our roles in life. The topic of intimacy in a marriage just strengthens my thoughts and appreciation for those differences and I feel like it is very important for anyone to know of these differences and how they can affect us sexually.

            We were able to talk about and learn how men and women experience and respond to sex. There are four stages of sexual response: Excitement, plateau, orgasm, and finally resolution. Excitement is a result of physical or psychological arousal. Men and women go through different physical changes during this stage like the lubrication of the vagina in women and the erection of the penis in men. This may or may not lead to the next stage, which is plateau. This is when two people engage in sexual activity in preparation for orgasm, which is the third stage. This is the stage when there is a release of all the sexual tension and excitement that has been building up till this point. In men, for example, this is when ejaculation of the semen happens. Lastly, there is resolution, which is a sort of “resting” phase for the body. Men tend to need a much longer time of resolution than women do, as women can have multiple orgasms, sometimes without the need of this resolution phase.

            On top of the physical changes that happen which we can visualize, there are also hormonal changes in men and women’s bodies. Men have testosterone which leads to an increased sex drive and desire, often times more than that of women. Women, on the other hand, have a plethora of different releases of hormones. One of the hormones which will affect women the most is oxytocin. Oxytocin is released when a mother is going into labor. It helps with contractions of the uterus in preparation for delivering a baby. This hormone also makes women incredibly emotionally attached to the baby she just delivered to.

            This presents challenges as women who engage in sexual activity before they get married will experience this surge of oxytocin in their system. They may not be aware of it, but it makes them very attached to whoever their sexual partner is, which may be damaging emotionally as she will get attached but if it is just a hook-up and not an actual and real relationship, she may find it hard to let go and may feel like she is ripped away from him/her. Men, on the other hand, may engage in sexual activity before marriage and just move on a lot easier, which is why men tend to have more sexual partners than women do.

             One thing to remember is that sex may be a very instinctive and human thing to do, but it is also very sacred and powerful. If used correctly and properly, sexual intimacy in marriage has the ability to strengthen, bond, and make a couple feel like one, not just emotionally but physically. Married couples must always be aware of their spouses and be sure that they are treating them with love, respect, but also knowing and meeting their needs. Couples need to also be kind and generous with each other, not withholding love or intimacy with each other.

Last week’s lesson and discussion was all about preparing for marriage and laying the foundation for a good marriage. This week’s discussion continues in the same theme of marriage, but adds to it by talking about the transitions in marriage. As mentioned in the previous lessons and in my thoughts, families are the most important unit and we should actively seek out things that will help strengthen our families or lay the foundation for a good one.

            When two people decide to get married, they are transitioning from being a couple that are dating to being two people who will now live together and will share everything between them, while making big decisions, and may more adjustments and changes. In other words, they are experiencing changes in their roles and responsibilities. It changes even more when they decide to have children, then their roles would change even more.

            Changes can always be difficult because most of us tend to get comfortable with how things are in our lives and we tend to get into habits or routines. Change is often difficult and uncomfortable but is good for us most of the time. I believe that it is important for us to establish patterns in the early stages of anything we do. We had an interesting discussion in class when we talked about developing patterns while we’re still in the stages of a relationship prior to getting married. As mentioned in last week’s post, the stages leading up to marriage are dating, courtship, and engagement. If we are able to develop patterns and habits while we are still in those stages, they will very likely be carried on into the marriage.

            We also talked about how some people think that marriage will solve all the problems that they’ve had while they were dating or engaged but that mentality is wrong. For example, if a couple is always arguing and disagreeing on things, whether big or small, while they are still dating or engaged, those disagreements and arguments will still continue on into their marriage, and even be multiplied into bigger disagreements and arguments.

            Another pattern that we discussed in class that I thought was important and that stood out to me was boundaries. Boundaries are important as they function as invisible and intangible barriers, or a layer or protection, for whoever is within it. I like to look at boundaries as circles. A husband and his wife will have a circle around them. This means that they plan things out, solve problems together, prioritize and spend time with each other. They would and should also be planning things out together. An example that was brought up in class was weddings. Weddings can be a pain to plan and often times are quite a financial burden. Traditionally, the bride’s family is the one who plans and pays for most of the wedding. This doesn’t seem like a big deal to many people but when you think of it, has the potential to cause many problems.

            Marriage is such an important stage and opportunity to a couple because they start and learn how to plan for their wedding and also their marriage. If the bride-to-be is putting all her attention into planning the wedding but with her mother, she is unknowingly disabling the boundary between her future husband and her, and creating one with her mother. When the family pays for the wedding, they might also have certain expectations and want returns or favors from the couple.

            This is just an example of how boundaries can be broken and how a couple might miss out on an important and meaningful opportunity to plan things out and learn to make important decisions together. I believe that if couples who are preparing for marriage really be cautious and recognize planning and learning opportunities, they would be able to develop healthy and useful patterns for when they do get married.

              Another week has gone by and we had the chance to have yet another interesting week full of lessons and discussions in this class. This week’s topic was “Preparing for Marriage”. My parents have always been one of the greatest examples of a good marriage to me. Growing up, I’ve always seen marriages that are going well, and others that aren’t. I’ve always wanted to know what works and what doesn’t, and why a marriage works or turns out a certain way and not another. As I’ve grown older, I’ve started to think of my future and what I want my marriage, career, family, etc. to look like.

            A tall and beautiful skyscraper is a true sight to behold. It is an engineering marvel that is built to stand the strong winds and even earthquakes, depending on where it’s located. This is only possible because of the strong foundation it has. Without a strong and solid foundation, it will never be able to withstand mother nature and all that she has to throw at it. I feel like preparing for marriage should be the same – there has to be a strong and solid foundation, built upon good values and morals, so the marriage can be successful and will be able to withstand anything that is thrown at it.

            In class this past week, we talked about how there are several “steps” that we have to be aware of and follow so we can ensure a good marriage. The four steps are: (1) dating, (2) Courtship, (3) Engagement, and finally (4) Marriage.  An interesting thing that we talked about with dating was how it is so different now compared to what it was even just a decade ago. Dating, or more specifically, assorted dating, brings so many benefits because it allows someone to meet and spend time with many different people instead of just homing into one person and developing a serious relationship right away. I find it beneficial because when you get to know more people, you get to see how different people act and react in different situations and to different things, which helps you decide what you are looking for and what you would want to avoid. I also believe that once someone has met a variety of different people and they meet someone who they like, they would appreciate the person more.

            Next, we talked about courtship. In today’s relationships, many people seem to not appreciate or practice courtship anymore. I feel like this is so unfortunate because courtship is the stage in a relationship when two people date exclusively, really start to know each other, and form a strong relationship with each other. I find this step so important because a lot of people just skip this and end up not really getting to know the other person. If I am going to marry someone, I will want to make sure that I know them well and try my best to do as many things together as we can so we can see each other in different situations. After two people have gotten to know each other and have been dating exclusively for a while, they can then get engaged and get married.

            I’m not saying that marriages that do not follow this exact pattern will fail or will not be as good as marriages that do, but I believe that if two people try their best to follow these steps, they would be able to know the person they want to commit to a lot better, which is part of building that strong foundation that I talked about earlier, which would benefit the marriage.

As discussed in previous blog posts, I personally feel like and believe that the family is the most important unit and a properly functioning family brings many benefits to not just the children, but also to the parents and to society. This week’s discussion in class has been very interesting as it always is, but I was especially intrigued because we talked about gender and family life. Gender is a topic that has been gaining a lot of controversy and debate within this past decade. Things that used to be frowned upon before are now accepted and even celebrated.

            Each and every one of us are so different, not just in the way we look, but also how we are mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and biologically. One of my biggest and most meaningful takeaways from this week’s lesson and discussion was the increased appreciation of the differences of men and women. In the world that we live in today, there are so many loud voices and I feel like there’s only two extreme ends of the spectrum and no balance. So many people today want to talk about equality but nobody wants to talk about the strengths that everyone has, which divides everyone but not allow anyone to feel appreciated.

            Men and women are so interestingly different biologically. I believe that we were created differently because we each have such different roles. In a traditional family, the man would be the one who goes out and work, who does what he can to provide for whatever his family’s needs are. We talked about how everyone is different and there certainly are differences or exceptions, but that normally, men can be more aggressive, have more spatial awareness, normally think more in a “box” (we tend to focus on just one thing at a time which means we do not connect one thought with another as easily), and have a natural instinct to go out and work and provide. These natural tendencies and characteristics help us prepare for and carry out the traditional father roles more easily.

            On the other hand, women are normally more compassionate, are focused more on relationships with others, gravitate more towards children and have a nurturing nature, are able to think out of the “box” which means their thoughts are always interconnected so they can make connections with one thing and another easily. These natural tendencies and characteristics help them be better mothers who are able to take care of and nurture children. This also means that women normally hold people together, which help the family bond and helps strengthen relationships between family members or people in general.

            As mentioned earlier, there are exceptions or situations where roles in a family are switched where women might go out and are the main source of income in a family or both parents work, helping to provide for the family, etc. No matter what the situation is, men and women are undoubtedly naturally and biologically different. Is one gender better than the other? Definitely not. I strongly believe that both men and women are equal. We each have strengths that help us excel in different areas. This is why I appreciate marriage so much because I find it so amazing and beautiful when a man and a woman come together, set aside differences and weaknesses, and work together so their strengths shine, and start a family together.

There are so many ways for us to look at another person and feel like society is unfair and that we should do this or that to make things better, which is true to a certain point, but I believe that if we focus on strengths rather than differences, the world would be a better place for all of us.

This past week’s lessons and discussions were very interesting. We focused and talked about social classes and cultural diversity. Personally, I’ve been looking forward to this topic as I have always appreciated and loved diversity in any situation. I was born and raised in Malaysia, which is a Muslim-majority country in South East Asia. Malaysia is highly diverse because back in the 90’s, it was one of the busiest trading ports in the region, with incoming ships from China, India, the Middle East, and Europe. Because of this, people often stayed on, which made Malaysia what it is today. Growing up in Malaysia, I was always surrounded by people of different color, religion, cultures, traditions, foods, etc. This made me realize and appreciate how important diversity and culture is, because there is always so much to learn from everyone.

One thing that we need to remember is that culture is so much more than just how we look and what we believe in. Cultures are created and dependent on so many other aspects, like where we live, how much we make, our level of education, our income, the people around us, and so much more. One thing that really stood out to me in this week’s lesson and discussions was how blessed I have been. I’ve always been grateful for everything that I have and all the opportunities that I’ve had in my life. My parents are converts to the Church. My mother joined the Church first before my father did. They got married in their late twenties and had 4 boys, of which I’m the third. My parents started out with nothing, as they both came from very humble beginnings. My father had paper routes and did odd jobs here and there to support himself and my mother. He finally got a job with a German company and worked really hard while he was there.

He eventually worked his way up in the company and was able to get more opportunities and responsibilities. At the pinnacle of his career with the company, he was the manager of a specific region, which included a few states. He also had to travel and be out of the country a lot because of his job. My mother stayed home to be with us and take care of us. We had a pretty comfortable life but my father was always out of the home, sometimes for a week or even a month at a time, depending on what he needed to do. This meant that we spent a lot more time with my mother, which made us significantly closer to her than my father. Despite of this, I personally never felt like my father was not around or that he did not care. I always knew without any doubt that he loved us and that he was doing his best to provide the best life that he could for us. He would try to work on his schedule as early as he can so he could be home on the weekends and whenever he was around, he always made sure that we spent quality time together as a family. He made sure that we knew he cared and that he was there for us. On top of that, he also made sure he was a good husband. He would call my mother every night if he was not home. He would also lead by example. He treated my mother like she was the queen of the house, which she was. He made sure we knew how to properly treat women, that we respected and appreciated women.

I share this because that, along with other things, shaped how our family was and how it worked, or its culture.  I always look up to my father and aspire to be like him. I always tell myself that if I can be a father and a husband like him, I would be happy and satisfied with myself. However, I would preferably have a career that would allow me to be home more so I could make sure that I was always there for my wife and my kids. Lastly, the story of the Mexican family that decided to risk it all and come here to the United States really stuck out to me. My brothers and I were fortunate enough to have the opportunity to come here for an education and for better opportunities. This motivates me to do better and to make the most of the chance I was given because so many other people have to risk losing everything just to make it out here.

Families can be such a complicated unit. We see different units and organizations all around us in our daily lives. Out of all these units and organizations, the family is, in my mind, is the most important unit. Having said that, it makes sense for us to know and understand the many different family dynamics and theories. Theories are "set(s) of logically related propositions that explain some phenomenon" (Lauer and Lauer, P. 20), and seek to help us predict and explain events. Family theories, of which there are several as mentioned earlier, may help us to understand specific experiences within the family and to alter the course of future events. This is highly beneficial because there are so many things that we observe in our families, some of which are good, while others are less than stellar and should be changed.

              There are a few different theories that we discussed in class – these include the exchange theory, the symbolic interaction theory, conflict theory, and general ecological theory. The first theory, which is the exchange theory, can be explained simply as the “you owe me one” theory. It is based on the idea of cost – such as time, money, emotional, or intellectual energy. In other words, it is what someone considers is their investment in a relationship, and whether or not it is worth it. This can be good or bad, because someone who is in any relationship might look at their relationship and evaluate it. If they see themselves putting in more than the other person is, they might just decide to end the relationship, which might be good if it is a toxic or bad relationship, but is a waste if the person just does not know how to resolve an issue and fix a problem.

              This theory stuck out to me the most because I feel like I behave this way in a lot of situations and relationships. I like to pull in as much information as I can and I feel like I am a very analytical guy who likes to analyze and assess any situation I am in, whether it is crucial or not. I have found this behavior useful at times because I am able to analyze a situation and decide what might be the best course of action, or how to resolve a certain problem I am facing. However, I have noticed that I tend to over analyze situations and be very critical of it, and sometimes even negative. I tend to focus too much on information and on the facts, and fail to realize that relationships are built on so much more than just that. I began to realize that sometimes I do this to my family. I would be over-judgmental or over-critical over some of the smallest mistakes they would make, which would change the way I treated or talked to them. This is definitely something that I want to change and am working hard to do so.

              Other than that, we also talked about how trends can carry on and be passed on from one generation to another in our class. Sometimes we do it knowingly because it is something that we are familiar with, something that we’ve seen our father or mother do, which we feel is the right thing. However, other times, it is just something that we unknowingly do because it is the only thing that we know or have seen before. After what we talked about in class, I started to think about trends that are in my family, that I have seen in my grandparents, in my parents, and in myself, and whether they are good or bad. I feel like this something that we should all do – look at our families, our lives, how we go about taking care of things, and seeing what we need to change and how we can improve. Just because our grandparents or parents did something a certain way, doesn’t mean we have to do the exact same thing, especially if it does not benefit anyone.

Societal Trends and the Family

Take a minute or two and think about the people you know. Think of your parents and your grandparents. What type of life did they have? How many uncles and aunts do you have? When did they get married? When did they start having kids? How many siblings or cousins do you have? Would you make the same decisions as they did? What are differences in the trends that you see when comparing our grandparents/parents’ generation compared to ours?

When I take a step back and take some time to think about those questions, I do realize quite a drastic change in our generation and the previous generations. My grandparents on my father’s side had 14 kids while my grandparents on my mother’s side had 7. My parents had 4 kids, of which I’m the third. Both grandparents on my father and mother’s sides got married at very early ages, in their early twenties. My parents, however, waited till their late twenties to get married and only started having kids then.

In our Family Relations class this past week, we took a look at a lot of different data and numbers to see what the current trends are in today’s society. We also discussed openly about what the effects of these trends might be. If we take marriage, for example, we can immediately start to see the trends and how it has changed from even just a decade or two ago. I feel like people now tend to view marriage as a burden and as something that is stressful, expensive, and full of uncertainty. They also tend to look at it as a huge commitment, like they would lose their life and will not be able to live it anymore after they get married.

Because of this, a trend that we are seeing is how people wait till they are a lot later to get married. The trends a couple of decades ago indicate that people tend to get married in their early twenties. People nowadays, however, often do not get married until they are in their late twenties (30 for men and 28 for women, on average). This might not seem like a big deal right? Young people today just want to enjoy their lives and finish school, have a good-paying and stable job before getting married. How bad can that be?

One of the most obvious problems this trend is because people are waiting until they are a lot older to get married, they would almost certainly also wait till they are a lot older to have kids. This is a problem because women have certain a “window” to have kids. This varies, but there may be women who might still to have children in their late thirties or early forties but are not able to. There are so many people who waited to have kids but found out they were not able to because of their age. In other words, more times than none, people will regret not having kids than actually having kids.

One of other effects that this trend presents is that people now tend to cohabitate. Because marriage is such a huge commitment and people are “not ready” for it, they would just move in and live with each other before getting married, or not get married at all. They say that this is to get to know each other more and prepare them for a good marriage. Studies, however, have shown that people who cohabitate before getting married a few times more likely to get divorced. Another indirect effect of late marriages is that people have less children today than they did before. In many people’s eyes today, children are considered a financial burden and are just a hassle. In our class on Thursday, we talked about the benefits that having siblings bring. We all agreed that having siblings, and even just having to share a room with a sibling helps mold us into people with better social skills. Growing up with 3 brothers have definitely taught me not just patience and other social skills, but it has also provided me with an immediate and sure support system. I know I can rely on my brothers whenever I need help and if I am going through hard times or challenges in life.

To conclude, I want to make it clear that this post is not to ask people to get married right as they turn 20 and have 10 kids. I do, however, know that families are important and every time I think of the person I am, I link it back to my family and how I was brought up. I would encourage whoever is reading this post to think of how your childhood looked like and think of your future. What do you want your family to look like? What is important to you?