This week was all about communication and the different ways we communicate. We’ve discussed and talked in class about the many aspects of relationships with our families, spouses, and people we love. Communication is a huge part of relationships and I would even go as far as saying that communication is one of the most basic needs or wants of us human beings. Languages have come up and have been worked on for hundreds and thousands of years since the beginning of mankind and till today, it remains one of the most important aspects of our lives, whether we know it or not.

            There are countless ways of communicating but the main ones that we use every day, are – verbal, non-verbal, and tone. Verbal communication, like mentioned earlier, is just the most basic form of communication. It is the main medium in which we let someone else know something and vice versa. Despite it being so important, almost every one of us have yet to perfect the ways of communicating. Conflicts often arise in any form of relationship we have with others and sometimes these conversations can get hostile and unpleasant.

            We talked and discussed five different ways to deescalate verbal communication and how to change the course of a potentially unpleasant conversation. First of all, we need to know the disarming technique. This is when we do our best to not come off as defensive so the other person(s) will not put up a defensive barrier too, which will escalate the conversation. To do this, we must first be willing to find and focus on kernels of truth, especially when it seems unreasonable. This means that when someone is accusing us of something, we must be able to identify truth in those accusations, especially if they are unreasonable. This shows humility on our end and also shows willingness to listen and to admit guilt. When we do this, defensiveness goes down significantly and tensions are eased.

            Next, we must be able to express sympathy. This has to be sincere and genuine. An example of this is if someone expresses anger or sorrow to us and it seems like it will turn unpleasant or even hostile. It may be tempting or even natural for us to be defensive but that will not help. When we express sincere empathy, sorrow, and apologize when appropriate, it again shows humility and willingness to admit fault. After we show empathy, we can then inquire. This is when we give the other person a chance to express how they feel more. We can say things like “I’d like to hear more”, or “you are saying XYZ, is this right?” This is a sign that we are actually listening and want to be part of this conversation.

            After that, we can move on with the “I feel” statement. A basic and simple example is to use the following sentence: “When a specific situation/event, I feel/felt emotion because thoughts. I really like hope/desire.” This sentence is important because it points out a specific event or situation, then it gives us a chance to express our emotion or feelings and why we feel or felt that way, then it finally presents us with the chance to express our hopes or desires for the situation. This gives the person we are talking to our perspective, thoughts, feelings, hopes, desires, etc. and makes sure the conversation is fair and equal, that it is not just one person talking over the other.

            Once all of these things have been done, we can then move on to stroking. This step is as crucial as the rest of the steps because it is an opportunity to express admiration and appreciation. After all that has been said, there might be things that are unpleasant or even feelings of hurt. Expressing admiration, appreciation, and positive emotions can help sweeten things up a little and in most cases, make everything better.

            My biggest takeaway is that communication is important but also hard. Often times, it is like we are using butter knives to perform brain surgery in our homes. In other words, we have to make sure that we are precise and intentional in our communication, whatever form it may be. We have to make sure that people not just understand us, but that we cannot be misunderstood.