Last week’s lesson and discussion was all about preparing for marriage and laying the foundation for a good marriage. This week’s discussion continues in the same theme of marriage, but adds to it by talking about the transitions in marriage. As mentioned in the previous lessons and in my thoughts, families are the most important unit and we should actively seek out things that will help strengthen our families or lay the foundation for a good one.

            When two people decide to get married, they are transitioning from being a couple that are dating to being two people who will now live together and will share everything between them, while making big decisions, and may more adjustments and changes. In other words, they are experiencing changes in their roles and responsibilities. It changes even more when they decide to have children, then their roles would change even more.

            Changes can always be difficult because most of us tend to get comfortable with how things are in our lives and we tend to get into habits or routines. Change is often difficult and uncomfortable but is good for us most of the time. I believe that it is important for us to establish patterns in the early stages of anything we do. We had an interesting discussion in class when we talked about developing patterns while we’re still in the stages of a relationship prior to getting married. As mentioned in last week’s post, the stages leading up to marriage are dating, courtship, and engagement. If we are able to develop patterns and habits while we are still in those stages, they will very likely be carried on into the marriage.

            We also talked about how some people think that marriage will solve all the problems that they’ve had while they were dating or engaged but that mentality is wrong. For example, if a couple is always arguing and disagreeing on things, whether big or small, while they are still dating or engaged, those disagreements and arguments will still continue on into their marriage, and even be multiplied into bigger disagreements and arguments.

            Another pattern that we discussed in class that I thought was important and that stood out to me was boundaries. Boundaries are important as they function as invisible and intangible barriers, or a layer or protection, for whoever is within it. I like to look at boundaries as circles. A husband and his wife will have a circle around them. This means that they plan things out, solve problems together, prioritize and spend time with each other. They would and should also be planning things out together. An example that was brought up in class was weddings. Weddings can be a pain to plan and often times are quite a financial burden. Traditionally, the bride’s family is the one who plans and pays for most of the wedding. This doesn’t seem like a big deal to many people but when you think of it, has the potential to cause many problems.

            Marriage is such an important stage and opportunity to a couple because they start and learn how to plan for their wedding and also their marriage. If the bride-to-be is putting all her attention into planning the wedding but with her mother, she is unknowingly disabling the boundary between her future husband and her, and creating one with her mother. When the family pays for the wedding, they might also have certain expectations and want returns or favors from the couple.

            This is just an example of how boundaries can be broken and how a couple might miss out on an important and meaningful opportunity to plan things out and learn to make important decisions together. I believe that if couples who are preparing for marriage really be cautious and recognize planning and learning opportunities, they would be able to develop healthy and useful patterns for when they do get married.