As discussed in previous blog posts, I personally feel like and believe that the family is the most important unit and a properly functioning family brings many benefits to not just the children, but also to the parents and to society. This week’s discussion in class has been very interesting as it always is, but I was especially intrigued because we talked about gender and family life. Gender is a topic that has been gaining a lot of controversy and debate within this past decade. Things that used to be frowned upon before are now accepted and even celebrated.

            Each and every one of us are so different, not just in the way we look, but also how we are mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and biologically. One of my biggest and most meaningful takeaways from this week’s lesson and discussion was the increased appreciation of the differences of men and women. In the world that we live in today, there are so many loud voices and I feel like there’s only two extreme ends of the spectrum and no balance. So many people today want to talk about equality but nobody wants to talk about the strengths that everyone has, which divides everyone but not allow anyone to feel appreciated.

            Men and women are so interestingly different biologically. I believe that we were created differently because we each have such different roles. In a traditional family, the man would be the one who goes out and work, who does what he can to provide for whatever his family’s needs are. We talked about how everyone is different and there certainly are differences or exceptions, but that normally, men can be more aggressive, have more spatial awareness, normally think more in a “box” (we tend to focus on just one thing at a time which means we do not connect one thought with another as easily), and have a natural instinct to go out and work and provide. These natural tendencies and characteristics help us prepare for and carry out the traditional father roles more easily.

            On the other hand, women are normally more compassionate, are focused more on relationships with others, gravitate more towards children and have a nurturing nature, are able to think out of the “box” which means their thoughts are always interconnected so they can make connections with one thing and another easily. These natural tendencies and characteristics help them be better mothers who are able to take care of and nurture children. This also means that women normally hold people together, which help the family bond and helps strengthen relationships between family members or people in general.

            As mentioned earlier, there are exceptions or situations where roles in a family are switched where women might go out and are the main source of income in a family or both parents work, helping to provide for the family, etc. No matter what the situation is, men and women are undoubtedly naturally and biologically different. Is one gender better than the other? Definitely not. I strongly believe that both men and women are equal. We each have strengths that help us excel in different areas. This is why I appreciate marriage so much because I find it so amazing and beautiful when a man and a woman come together, set aside differences and weaknesses, and work together so their strengths shine, and start a family together.

There are so many ways for us to look at another person and feel like society is unfair and that we should do this or that to make things better, which is true to a certain point, but I believe that if we focus on strengths rather than differences, the world would be a better place for all of us.

This past week’s lessons and discussions were very interesting. We focused and talked about social classes and cultural diversity. Personally, I’ve been looking forward to this topic as I have always appreciated and loved diversity in any situation. I was born and raised in Malaysia, which is a Muslim-majority country in South East Asia. Malaysia is highly diverse because back in the 90’s, it was one of the busiest trading ports in the region, with incoming ships from China, India, the Middle East, and Europe. Because of this, people often stayed on, which made Malaysia what it is today. Growing up in Malaysia, I was always surrounded by people of different color, religion, cultures, traditions, foods, etc. This made me realize and appreciate how important diversity and culture is, because there is always so much to learn from everyone.

One thing that we need to remember is that culture is so much more than just how we look and what we believe in. Cultures are created and dependent on so many other aspects, like where we live, how much we make, our level of education, our income, the people around us, and so much more. One thing that really stood out to me in this week’s lesson and discussions was how blessed I have been. I’ve always been grateful for everything that I have and all the opportunities that I’ve had in my life. My parents are converts to the Church. My mother joined the Church first before my father did. They got married in their late twenties and had 4 boys, of which I’m the third. My parents started out with nothing, as they both came from very humble beginnings. My father had paper routes and did odd jobs here and there to support himself and my mother. He finally got a job with a German company and worked really hard while he was there.

He eventually worked his way up in the company and was able to get more opportunities and responsibilities. At the pinnacle of his career with the company, he was the manager of a specific region, which included a few states. He also had to travel and be out of the country a lot because of his job. My mother stayed home to be with us and take care of us. We had a pretty comfortable life but my father was always out of the home, sometimes for a week or even a month at a time, depending on what he needed to do. This meant that we spent a lot more time with my mother, which made us significantly closer to her than my father. Despite of this, I personally never felt like my father was not around or that he did not care. I always knew without any doubt that he loved us and that he was doing his best to provide the best life that he could for us. He would try to work on his schedule as early as he can so he could be home on the weekends and whenever he was around, he always made sure that we spent quality time together as a family. He made sure that we knew he cared and that he was there for us. On top of that, he also made sure he was a good husband. He would call my mother every night if he was not home. He would also lead by example. He treated my mother like she was the queen of the house, which she was. He made sure we knew how to properly treat women, that we respected and appreciated women.

I share this because that, along with other things, shaped how our family was and how it worked, or its culture.  I always look up to my father and aspire to be like him. I always tell myself that if I can be a father and a husband like him, I would be happy and satisfied with myself. However, I would preferably have a career that would allow me to be home more so I could make sure that I was always there for my wife and my kids. Lastly, the story of the Mexican family that decided to risk it all and come here to the United States really stuck out to me. My brothers and I were fortunate enough to have the opportunity to come here for an education and for better opportunities. This motivates me to do better and to make the most of the chance I was given because so many other people have to risk losing everything just to make it out here.

Families can be such a complicated unit. We see different units and organizations all around us in our daily lives. Out of all these units and organizations, the family is, in my mind, is the most important unit. Having said that, it makes sense for us to know and understand the many different family dynamics and theories. Theories are "set(s) of logically related propositions that explain some phenomenon" (Lauer and Lauer, P. 20), and seek to help us predict and explain events. Family theories, of which there are several as mentioned earlier, may help us to understand specific experiences within the family and to alter the course of future events. This is highly beneficial because there are so many things that we observe in our families, some of which are good, while others are less than stellar and should be changed.

              There are a few different theories that we discussed in class – these include the exchange theory, the symbolic interaction theory, conflict theory, and general ecological theory. The first theory, which is the exchange theory, can be explained simply as the “you owe me one” theory. It is based on the idea of cost – such as time, money, emotional, or intellectual energy. In other words, it is what someone considers is their investment in a relationship, and whether or not it is worth it. This can be good or bad, because someone who is in any relationship might look at their relationship and evaluate it. If they see themselves putting in more than the other person is, they might just decide to end the relationship, which might be good if it is a toxic or bad relationship, but is a waste if the person just does not know how to resolve an issue and fix a problem.

              This theory stuck out to me the most because I feel like I behave this way in a lot of situations and relationships. I like to pull in as much information as I can and I feel like I am a very analytical guy who likes to analyze and assess any situation I am in, whether it is crucial or not. I have found this behavior useful at times because I am able to analyze a situation and decide what might be the best course of action, or how to resolve a certain problem I am facing. However, I have noticed that I tend to over analyze situations and be very critical of it, and sometimes even negative. I tend to focus too much on information and on the facts, and fail to realize that relationships are built on so much more than just that. I began to realize that sometimes I do this to my family. I would be over-judgmental or over-critical over some of the smallest mistakes they would make, which would change the way I treated or talked to them. This is definitely something that I want to change and am working hard to do so.

              Other than that, we also talked about how trends can carry on and be passed on from one generation to another in our class. Sometimes we do it knowingly because it is something that we are familiar with, something that we’ve seen our father or mother do, which we feel is the right thing. However, other times, it is just something that we unknowingly do because it is the only thing that we know or have seen before. After what we talked about in class, I started to think about trends that are in my family, that I have seen in my grandparents, in my parents, and in myself, and whether they are good or bad. I feel like this something that we should all do – look at our families, our lives, how we go about taking care of things, and seeing what we need to change and how we can improve. Just because our grandparents or parents did something a certain way, doesn’t mean we have to do the exact same thing, especially if it does not benefit anyone.

Societal Trends and the Family

Take a minute or two and think about the people you know. Think of your parents and your grandparents. What type of life did they have? How many uncles and aunts do you have? When did they get married? When did they start having kids? How many siblings or cousins do you have? Would you make the same decisions as they did? What are differences in the trends that you see when comparing our grandparents/parents’ generation compared to ours?

When I take a step back and take some time to think about those questions, I do realize quite a drastic change in our generation and the previous generations. My grandparents on my father’s side had 14 kids while my grandparents on my mother’s side had 7. My parents had 4 kids, of which I’m the third. Both grandparents on my father and mother’s sides got married at very early ages, in their early twenties. My parents, however, waited till their late twenties to get married and only started having kids then.

In our Family Relations class this past week, we took a look at a lot of different data and numbers to see what the current trends are in today’s society. We also discussed openly about what the effects of these trends might be. If we take marriage, for example, we can immediately start to see the trends and how it has changed from even just a decade or two ago. I feel like people now tend to view marriage as a burden and as something that is stressful, expensive, and full of uncertainty. They also tend to look at it as a huge commitment, like they would lose their life and will not be able to live it anymore after they get married.

Because of this, a trend that we are seeing is how people wait till they are a lot later to get married. The trends a couple of decades ago indicate that people tend to get married in their early twenties. People nowadays, however, often do not get married until they are in their late twenties (30 for men and 28 for women, on average). This might not seem like a big deal right? Young people today just want to enjoy their lives and finish school, have a good-paying and stable job before getting married. How bad can that be?

One of the most obvious problems this trend is because people are waiting until they are a lot older to get married, they would almost certainly also wait till they are a lot older to have kids. This is a problem because women have certain a “window” to have kids. This varies, but there may be women who might still to have children in their late thirties or early forties but are not able to. There are so many people who waited to have kids but found out they were not able to because of their age. In other words, more times than none, people will regret not having kids than actually having kids.

One of other effects that this trend presents is that people now tend to cohabitate. Because marriage is such a huge commitment and people are “not ready” for it, they would just move in and live with each other before getting married, or not get married at all. They say that this is to get to know each other more and prepare them for a good marriage. Studies, however, have shown that people who cohabitate before getting married a few times more likely to get divorced. Another indirect effect of late marriages is that people have less children today than they did before. In many people’s eyes today, children are considered a financial burden and are just a hassle. In our class on Thursday, we talked about the benefits that having siblings bring. We all agreed that having siblings, and even just having to share a room with a sibling helps mold us into people with better social skills. Growing up with 3 brothers have definitely taught me not just patience and other social skills, but it has also provided me with an immediate and sure support system. I know I can rely on my brothers whenever I need help and if I am going through hard times or challenges in life.

To conclude, I want to make it clear that this post is not to ask people to get married right as they turn 20 and have 10 kids. I do, however, know that families are important and every time I think of the person I am, I link it back to my family and how I was brought up. I would encourage whoever is reading this post to think of how your childhood looked like and think of your future. What do you want your family to look like? What is important to you?